I try very hard to not work myself into a stressful state. I sometimes fail. I am someone who may look like she is even keeled and able to handle most things thrown her way – for the most part true – but the outcome of the unexpected can put me off balance. It often happens when I am sailing thru a moment unaware, but the power of the moment is like a hit in the stomach. I am stunned actually. On occasion, I lament, why?
Finding peace in the unexpected hurt or occurrence can be a process of many deep breaths and mantras which say this too shall pass. It is a process that tests how resolute we are towards the end we seek. We want a good outcome, of course, but do we know how to center ourselves just so to achieve it? Are we willing to look beyond the obvious to the message that may lurk between the subtleties?
Yesterday and today I found the elements of my work life intruding on my personal time. As I pulled a weed and laid down fertilizer, I had to take those breaths and repeat the words – this too shall pass. I didn’t want to sit with my anxiety, but I knew I had to trust that it really would pass. I had to restrain myself from the desire to overcompensate – for a failing in the situation, for a failing in myself. There is danger in this desire, because not all circumstances are a result of what we did. In fact, they are often not personal. To the contrary, they are just life in action or represent another person’s need to address a situation over which they feel little control. A test maybe, and then again, maybe not, but clearly how we respond testifies to who we are.
I am not necessarily the patient sort. I find that revelation in how I approach the garden. A plant dies or the irrigation malfunctions. Someone gets upset or I get upset over the situation. I ask what did I do wrong when maybe I should ask what do I need to learn from this? I pound my chest in hurt, or express frustration with the person who points out the problem to me, but what good does it? Sometimes the real lesson is to put one foot in front of the other and do the job that needs doing. Maybe to prevent whatever it is from happening. Or maybe to help us become a better person in spite of it.
No drama. No worry. Just action. In other words, keep walking.