Sheila's Geranium - Merlin's Garden

I never knew Jim’s late wife, Sheila. Except in memories shared by him. Many memories actually from almost twenty five years shared as husband and wife. I entered Jim’s life eight months after colon cancer claimed Sheila’s life. From her diagnosis to her death, time raced quickly. Four months to be exact. Too little time to allow closure, appreciation, and a whole host of other wants that soon turn to regrets.

In those early months as I came to love Jim more deeply, I surveyed the many pictures of her, of Jim and her, of others who loved and befriended Sheila. It did not take long for me to consider that she was someone I might have known and befriended too. In some strange way, it was as if I picked up where she left off. She could have lived my life at one time, if not for the path she chose with Jim. I could have led her life if not for the path I took.

When Jim came to peace with the loss he felt, he could allow a life with me. It was not easy for him nor was it for me. Our relationship started way too fast before he could make that peace and we would go through many stops and starts before finding our way to each other again. It was a journey on which I could write a whole other book. For now, suffice to say, it was a journey both profound and life altering.

I have always believed that you can love more than just one person in your life. I learned this most deeply with Jim. I have also learned you can’t rush love and that if you love something never hold too tight. It was only when I truly let go of Jim did I find him.

As I became stronger in the belief of Jim’s love and commitment to me I found room to befriend Sheila as well. Afterall she is part of Jim’s landscape and history as I am and he is who he is in part because he loved Sheila.

The red geranium that graces a brown pot on our patio once belonged to Sheila. It first came to be on Whidbey Island and sat for many years in a window where it captured the best of light that could be found from the Northwest sun. It was not often, but when the winter passed, it bloomed for a short time.

When we moved to San Diego, we brought the geranium with us along with many other favored plants. It likes it here, the California sun giving it more chance to express its color. I look at it now. It seems to smile in the sun. I see Sheila’s image in my mind. For an instant I could swear she is standing next to the geranium, looking back at me in a knowing way. All is well, Lesley, I can hear her say. All is well.

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